i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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