I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
