We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
