Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
