Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
