Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
