Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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