I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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