you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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