I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
