Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
