there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
