Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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