Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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