I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
