im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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