Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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