Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
