Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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