do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
