This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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