His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
