I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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