My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
