Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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