I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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