omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
