He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
