I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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