Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
