OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
