things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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