This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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