he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
