Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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