I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
someone get that fucking seahorse.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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