how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
