if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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