Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i think i have two assholes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
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my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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