The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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