Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
