I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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