Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
