I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
