went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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