The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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