Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
