My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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