you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
