it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
