Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
