Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
