a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
