im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
