PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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