You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
