Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
