my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
this boner is exhausting
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
