nut hugger
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
