Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
