I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
