Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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