i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
