I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
