I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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