What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
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Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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