If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
